Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
