this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
