Just fell off a train. Bad.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
