do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
