Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
