Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
