You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dick very happy bro
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
