last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
