Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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