You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
