I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
