There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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