i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
