It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
