I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
