I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
