I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
