TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
