whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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