Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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