Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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