Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
