Plan B is the new Plan A
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
