life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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