I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
