So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
