The maid of honor just puked.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
