i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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