She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
