I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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