Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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