I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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