history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The air taste purple.
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