the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
