I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
