It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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