Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
