i would punch a child for taco bell
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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