brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
