OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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