Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
