Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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