so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
