Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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