Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
