i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
