Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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