there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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