Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize