i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
