and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All the doctor said was why
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
